A wise man once said, “The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather
is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What
should I pack for my summer vacation? Leave the gun, take the cannoli. What day
of the week is it? Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday. And the answer to
your question is “Go to the mattresses.” You’re at war. It’s not personal, it’s
business. It’s not personal, it’s business. Recite that to yourself every time
you feel you’re losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave; this is
your chance. Fight. Fight to the death."
Okay, that
wasn’t a real person who said this. It was actually Tom Hanks’ character in the
modern love story classic “You’ve Got Mail.” But his character was totally on
to something…movies can impart endless amounts of life wisdom if you are aware
enough to find it. I sadly must admit to never seeing more than about a half
hour of ONE of the “Godfather” movies, but I HAVE seen “Mean Girls” about 800
times. Even after almost a decade, “Mean Girls” holds up as extremely relevant
social/cultural commentary.
1.
Random Girl: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called
you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
It’s definitely important to know when to apologize. You should
always apologize for making fun of people’s appearances, especially when they
can’t change this aspect of themselves.
2.
Karen: Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at
you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for
telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
Being a good friend is probably the greatest lesson a person can
learn in this lifetime. Good friends know embarrassing things about you, and love
you anyways. The best friends take these embarrassing secrets to the grave with
them.
3. Cady: Um, is
there alcohol in this?
Mrs. George: Oh,
God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you
think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd
rather you do it in the house.
We’re at that age where we
have to think about what kind of parents we want to be/we already might be a
parent. Your kids are going to fuck up, but yeah…probably better to do it at
home first. Learning your tolerance is important, FYI.
4. Cady: I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look
like a British man.
This quote just came up
yesterday, as a group-text went out discussing the new pixie haircut Beyonce
debuted. Sorry to say, but Queen Beyonce looks flawless. But to apply this in
your everyday life, sometimes it feels good to say this about someone you are
hate-stalking. But don’t say it out loud, because people might think you are
judge-y.
Cady: Thank you.
Regina: So you agree?
You think you're really pretty?
Know how to take a
compliment! Or, in a pinch, do what I do when I get nervous: over-compliment
the person you are talking to. I’ve made it this far?
6. Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?
Girl: It was my
mom's in the '80s.
Regina: Vintage, so
adorable.
Girl: Thanks.
Regina: [after girl walks away] That is
the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.
This kind of goes with the
previous quote; be generous with compliments, and save your snark for when
you’re around your best friends who get that you can be kind of bitchy.
7. Karen: I'm
kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady: What do you mean?
Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My
breasts can always tell when it's gonna rain.
Be proud of the things you
deem to be your strengths. Also, I am never dressed appropriately for the weather, so
a good life tip is to CHECK WEATHER.COM. Or rely on your intuition, your
choice. BE PREPARED! (Carry an umbrella.)
8. Damien: [reading the entry on himself from the Burn Book] "Too gay
to function?"
Janis: That's only
okay when I say it!
You can say mean things to
your friends (to their face, not behind their back) and it’s all good. The
MINUTE an outsider does it, be ready to throw down. And by throw down, I mean
be passive-aggressive on Social Media.
9. Coach Carr: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't
have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do
it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
There are consequences to
casual sex, and death is one of them. Better to learn that early on, like in
high school.
10. Gretchen: Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I
mean that's just like the rules of feminism.
Chicks before…I can’t type this without feeling awkward.
So just don’t go for sloppy seconds, guys. It probably wouldn’t work out with
this guy, since he has a history of being a jerk anyways (why else isn’t your
friend still with him!?) And don’t forget, it’s never worth losing a friend
over a guy! Plenty of fish in the sea for all of us (I think.)
11.
Gretchen: That is so fetch!
Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to
happen!
Trying to start a trend or
new “It Thing” with your friends is really hard, so know your audience. For
example, I now know that only my guy friends will watch “Lost” with me, even
though I tried to make it happen with my girlfriends for about two years.
12.
Karen: On Wednesdays we wear pink!
There are certain social
morays and cultural norms that MUST be abided by. If not, you run the risk of
not integrating. Keep your eyes peeled and your ear to the ground to figure out
what is relevant to the social scene around you. Beware: if you don’t, you
might not be socialized properly.
13. Cady: Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling
someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life
definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve
the problem in front of you.
I have been struggling with
jealousy issues lately, and my little sister said a paraphrase of this quote to
me after I said rude things (in confidence.) THAT’S SO TRUE, tearing someone
else down won’t make you feel better, or change your situation.
14. Gretchen: [After confronting Regina for wearing sweatpants on the wrong
day] YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!
Stand your ground. That is
all.
15. Gretchen: [Reading an essay out loud, talking about Regina] Why should
Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get
smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as
cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus
just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to
be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should
totally just *stab* Caesar!
There is always an Alpha,
and at times, accepting this fact is hard to swallow. You are totally allowed
to crack sometimes, and vent about why you are just as capable of being an
Alpha. Maybe you will REALIZE YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL! But don’t actually stab
anyone; the Caesar thing is just a metaphor, guys.
16. Regina: Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, will you please tell him
his hair looks sexy pushed back?
I can’t tell you how many
times my sisters and I say this to each other, which upon reflection, might be
weird. But guys! Take note: your hair looks sexy pushed back. Look your best,
and you will have two girls fighting over you.
17. Cady: [at a Mathletes competition] The limit does not exist!
This was quoted entirely too
often in Freshman Calculus. This is kind of sad in a way, because we all found
out at 18 that we were not unique butterflies. But beyond literal
interpretation, there is a lot to be gleaned from this short phrase: THERE ARE
NO LIMITS TO WHAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE! (Except maybe physical limits, but hopefully
you are aware enough to figure that out for yourself.)
18. Damien: That’s
why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.
Sometimes it’s good to keep
secrets, especially in the interest of self-preservation or being a good
friend. Loose lips sink ships! Also, pro-tip: the higher the hair, the closer
to God.
19. Girl: I
don’t hate you ‘cause you’re fat. You’re fat ‘cause I hate you!
WORDS HAVE POWER! I still
feel really bad when I think about the mean things kids in middle school said
to other kids. I didn’t join in, but I didn’t stop anyone either. I can
remember a girl that everyone called “Beaver” because of her large front teeth;
was this the reason why she later in life decided to pose next to cars and post
the pictures on Facebook and keep wearing Hot Topic clothing at the tender age
of 28? We’ll never know for sure.
20. Regina: [Writing
about herself in the Burn Book] "This girl
is the nastiest skank bitch I've ever met. Do not trust her. She is a fugly
slut!"
This scene in the movie can
reduce me to tears (from laughing, don’t worry.) Sometimes down playing your
attributes can be a smart move. There’s definitely a fine line though, I’m not
sure you should call yourself a “fugly slut” if you can help it. Self-deprecation
borders on Debbie Downer status.
21. Cady: [Talking to Aaron in class]
It’s October 3rd.
Pretty literal, and can only be used once a year. But
man, that one day is pretty fun.
22. Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you
white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
Be completely respectful of race/ethnicity issues. For
some reason, Social Media comes to mind…people say the best (worst) things on
there about this issue. I have been called racially ambiguous, and must tell
you that I don’t enjoy being asked “What are you?”
23. Damian: And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.
Sometimes this is fun to say when you take the last of
something. But after some consideration, I’ve decided it probably isn’t adult to
say this to people anymore after you take the last beer or something
(especially if you laugh.) Maybe SPLIT the last beer! Sharing is caring, even
if you are just sharing a buzz.
24. Janis: Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen
to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each other’s
awesomeness?
(Obviously said sarcastically) This is a good way to
show your disgust for the Bro Lifestyle. This quote shines a light on the
glaring obviousness that we are too old for these “awesome things.” Calm down,
we’re too old to be Mean Girls now.
25. Damian: She doesn’t even go here!
Sometimes you force a friendship or relationship with
someone you shouldn’t…they just aren’t fitting in/fitting in with you. This is
acceptable thing to tell them when you end things, and they’ll understand
completely. Also good to yell at an unknown girl at a party when she’s with a
love interest/ex. (But throw your voice so no one knows it was you.)
26. Ms.
Norbury: I'm a
pusher Cady, I'm a pusher. I push people.”
It’s nice to motivate people to be the best versions of
themselves, but beware: there is a fine line with “pushing people” until you
push them away. Even Ms. Norbury admits it’s why she got a divorce and why
Randy from Chase Visa keeps calling.
27. Girl:
[reading from paper, crying] I wish we could all get
along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled
with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...
Girllll, you and me both. Let’s work to make this world
a better place!
Will you quote “Mean Girls” for the
rest of the weekend? --UP
